i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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