My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
