Someone shit on the floor
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
