I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
