Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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