i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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