and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
