I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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