I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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