Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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