i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
ttyl tear gas
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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