i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
