I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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