I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
