Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
