Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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