It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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