Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
