Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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