I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
