as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Randomize
