Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
