Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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