I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Non-Jews are for practice
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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