Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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