if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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