I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm experimenting with sincerity
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
