Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well you can't waste a boner
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
