The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she looked like the before picture.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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