girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
