My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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