we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
