I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
