You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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