So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
