he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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