Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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