well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
