Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
