Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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