And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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