I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
