Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
