I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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