My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
