Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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