It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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