dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
