meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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