I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
