mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
