I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
