my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
