She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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