he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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