dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
