Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize