this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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