I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
