I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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