I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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