Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
