I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
