If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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