It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
