Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
