I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just google imaged poop.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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