and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
