Jerry, you need to find god
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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