Betty ford says i'm here all night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
