things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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