why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
