You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
