If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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