The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
