oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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