i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
