Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
