I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
